novembers almost over

novembers almost over
been a good time so far
found myself back at home again
not a place i wanna be
came for the thanksgiving nonsense
stayed a little too long
feels dead here
like there's no life
definately keeps me feelin a bit closed off
the whole town seems dead
ill be glad to be back in columbus
this place seems to kill your spirit
eight minutes to go
and december begins
and then its the season for christmas
anita and i are supposed to do some recordings for then
should be interesting to do
christmas carols and that
expression here seems quite sterile
my sister hasnt shown up
she doesnt seem like she wants to
this house can be like a bit of a cage
dont think my sisters really all that interested in seeing me
not really sure why
so december
wonder if there'll be snow
wonder if i'll do the christmas thing
wonder if i'll go to new york
for new years
and i wonder if i'll record the album like i want to
one for anita
one for me
should be good
but im bored
and i need somethin to do
its almost as if anita spoiled me
before it was a struggle
now its a pleasure
its a great thought knowin that someone in columbus is there
thinkin of you
and youre thinkin of them
i thought id try and get a girl
seems kinda difficult though
but yeah
im not really all that sure how im gonna do that
my hairs growin longer
and my guts growin larger
day by day as i stay in this house
my mom cooks alot
more than i need to be eatin
my dads always botherin me about trips
my sisters keepin far away
makes it kinda borin
supposedly there's friends of mine in town
but im sure i dont wanna see them
not really friends
more like people i used to hang out with
a long time ago
but yeah

cant believe i fuckin hurt myself

cant believe i fuckin hurt myself
cant beleive i put myself in that position
after everything thats happened i went in and made the same mistake
certainly is a reminder to stop
and i wont meet up with those people
drugs everywhere
these people dont understand how to just live
its fuckin rediculous
fuckin walkin around doin all their fuckin drugs
and for what
just to fuckin hasten their death
you can have enjoyment doin other things
pleasure doesnt needa be comin from drugs
take a page out of a hedonists book
there's many things to do in life besides drugs
thats where they go wrong
they pick the barbed wire to put down their throat
fucks up themselves
and that sorta shit is no good
this fuckin bipolar kid took extasy
released all his fuckin dopamine
and nearly fuckin topped himself
the day before he fuckin met me
i cant be fuckin entrusted with all these peoples lives
they dont seem to be takin care of themselves
its not a good situation to be in
the way they go they wont last long
i think i did my bit to tell him to get off the drugs
in a direct way that i dont think i ever told vivek
thats probably the best thing i can do
i dont know this kid he's not my friend
there's not much i can do for him
my own life requires my own attention
im not quite a fifteen in this whole realm yet
im just not in a position to be helping other people
in my current state i need to help myself
and thats the truth of it
i needa get myself into a sustainably good position
and only then can i actually think of helpin other people
so then we get into a position of self preservation
and i cant be fuckin puttin myself in positions that jeapordize my future
thats not my perogative right now
i understand where that kid's heads at
ive been there
im not there now
and i wouldnt be doin myself justice to run over and do it again
thats my position on all this
im not gonna get involved in that kindof a situation
you cant run into these situations too quickly
unless its a perfect fit
which it isnt
the kinda stuff he does doesnt sit with me
so i mean i dont really fuckin know what the best way to say it is
but i think its just not gonna work out
the more times you say it the easier it becomes to say
and this'll be number two for me
so fuckin good luck man
and dont fuckin top yourslf
youre pretty fuckin talented

so i just talked to some fuckin people

so i just takled to some fuckin people
talked to my mom
talked to the kid
kids whose got the mental stuff
to the girl
at the bar with her sister
bout hippies
and the guy
at the pool table
bout indians
and black people
and music
and the two and then three at the bar
before
bout indians
and music
and bands
and alarms
these were the things we talked about
and the magazine man
coming in for photographs
askin for names
and what we'd like for christmas
i told em nothin
didnt tell em that i dont celebrate christmas!
told me thats the only ones gonna be allowed ta say that
got on some games
some mini dnd thing
got on the computer
played some computer game
raid cancelled early
and the television on
repetative bbc programs
theyve only got maybe four hours of tv
that they keep repeating
a stage performance
redemption from last week
the crowd liked it
got some good compliments
didnt accept them well
didnt endear myself with the audience
especially with the crowd i played with after
the group of children roamin around fearful
thats the way i kinda came across
a child runnin about
and the music far too loud
the pain in my head now from that
a bad idea to kinda play music with the guy
wont do that again
im there for my own setup and thats it
so yeah
alot of these people just kinda fuckin walkin around
and there i am tryin to play some music
some people liked it
people said it was cool
and thats the way i wanna go
thats my thing
im a solo player now

have you ever felt very small

have you ever felt very small
felt injured
you ever felt like something was wrong?
somethin had happened and you'd taken a blow
and you needed to just crawl away for a bit?
you ever felt like youve been struck
and you need to heal up
before you can get back on stage
the injuries can be severe
the people around can do bad things
they can harm you
and it can be hard to heal
but its good to throw yourself into the mix
if only to know what to avoid
to strengthen your resolve
and to make sure that youre doing the right thing
to know that someones watching you from every angle
and to know how to make it through that sort of watch
the british lend a hand in these situations
theyre designed to function under the pressure
without these abilities you cant do it
and definately with music i lean heavily on the british side
met a couple people so far
lesbian and a bipolar kid, and a new guy in town
everybodys seekin somethin to complete themselves
and what am i
kid without friends?
havin been isolated for years?
fearful and tryin to get back into it?
hard workin
but easily dissuaded
what am i?
dunno
but its easier to put labels on other people
and its also interesting to hear the labels that're put on me
but its better to live oblivious of those labels other people put on you
the label i put on myself is a bit more flexible
in fact i would say im probably capable of anything
not limited by anything
from many places
roots in both the east and west
passports to go where i want
in a position of privaledge
but also of servitude to people
coming from a family of people who serve the people
these are the sorts of things that can really make or break a person
i wont say that im completely without fear
that would be a lie
but perhaps the ability to do something with the knowledge of existing fear
you could probably call that courage
and then perhaps i could call myself courageous
these fuckin kids
kirby, sean, paul, vivek,
all these kids tryin to tell me what to do
and me lookin for someone to tell me
me needing them
and i guess them needing me
but being in a position like that
i learned to exist on my own
you cant function dependant all the time
if those you depend on are removed from the situation
you have to learn to be self - dependant
if you cant do it yourself then you crawl away and die
and its the adaptations that i made when i was alone that serve me well now
and i guess in a sense thats why i understand the appalacian people
and i guess thats how i understand the american people
certainly isolation is key to the frontier experience
in england youre never allowed to be alone
privacy is a kind of thing that is a valued commodity
in america privacy's the norm
spending some intimate time with somebody's a rarity
and so people end up needing people
as an extra thing, a personal development
to kinda fill the void that society leaves
americas based upon survival
all those extra things are left to the people

these are some fuckin murky waters

these are some fuckin murky waters
these people are so fucking strage to me
these people have my skin color on their body
but they dont have my mind intheir heads
the truth of it is theyre not british
and they definately dont listen to the kind of music i do
these are kids who've all been inspired by hip hop
its a sad state of affairs
indian kids ushered into all this hip hop nonsense
its not a bad thing but its not ours
wheres our fucking own thing
what have we created thats ours
how can we indentify ourselves as indians when we dont have any kind of identity
its a fucking joke and its fucking rediculous
how the fuck can all these kids dance to all this music
do none of them like anything besides hip hop
do none of them actually like anything good whatsoever
are they all into the same sort of stuff
are they all so fucking similar to each other
maybe this is the conservative indian crowd
and that fucking kid at the door reminded me of avtar
man what a fucking kid
he created all this
i think
maybe he didnt
maybe this is something that was already there
but we need to have some fucking kind of identity
beyond fucking bhangra
beyond fucking bollywood
and one that doesnt involve hip hop
is there anything creative about our people
do we only have people who doctors lawyers and fucking engineers
what a fucking joke
but the truth of it is there's always creative indians
but where the hell do these creative indians go
and why arent they fuckin helpin other indians
where's the fucking community
there should be fucking stands of shit outside the fucking places
there should be love and not fucking money that motivates all of this
i dont really fucking know what the hell is going on
but its a sorry state of affairs if ive seen anything fucking like that
its fucking shit and something should be done
dunno why these kids cant realize that there is something wrong there
and what a fucking rude kid

there was a woman in the place

there was a woman in the place
she gave me a look
i was just sayin a little comment
taklin about how slow the thing was
but ive never seen someone so condescending in my life
give someone sugar they give you poison
that seems to be the way
i dunno if its the beard
if its the skin
if its the clothes
but im not sure whatever it is
this woman just had nothin to do with me
and i cant help but feel if i was wearni a bit different clothin
or if my hair was cut differently
maybe my skin was a bit lighter
maybe i talked a bit differently
that perhaps id hit the magic spot
thats one thing that kinda struck me
i was in a room full of indian people
at first i felt proud
surrounded by people like me
was pretty nice
music was playin
people're dancin
then i saw the kids at the bar
and i saw the kids walkin around
noticed that when i stopped to stand that a crowd would form
these kids are almost beggin for someone to lead them
but to what
and to where
and am i really indian?
i thoguht my parents only raised me sikh
it kinda made me sad
i felt like i was surrounded by people who werent really like me
i had more in common with the people at the "dive bars" than the people here
at least thats what kirby called it
"dive bars"
what a fuckin joke
its just a fuckin bar like any other place
even fucking kirbys not my type of people anymore
what exactly is my type
or maybe im too old to have a type
maybe now i define myself
but thats probably a good thing

there's a sikh kid drinking beer

there's a sikh kid drinking beer
at the bar over there
that kid could've been me
maybe a couple years ago
i asid waheguru to him on the way out
and i felt like i was surrounded by a bunch of brats
everyone around here seemed very privaleged
even the way they were tryin to order drinks
i didnt really like what was goin on
made me feel like maybe thats whati looked like when i was younger
im not really sure what the situation was then
because back in the day i mean all sorts of things were going on
but one of the things i was was a spoilt kid i guess
the way our parents kinda pay for everything is not very good
the suits and the beer its all bought by other peoples money
this's where everyones parents are spending all their cash
all being flushed down the toilet after being pissed out by their kid
there were two parties in the palce
one of them was hiphop the other bhangra
i dunno man i didnt feel in place in either
these clubs are fuckin packed with people
didnt feel very comfortable
and then there was the kid at the front of the door
like some sort of a business man or something
i felt like maybe they were worms
this kid who fuckin lectured me on sikh shit
there he is running a business getting sikh kids drunk
what a fucking ripoff
what a fucking fake
what a fucking idiot
how the fuck can he kinda wear that turban
what a fucking disgrace
do those people not have a fuckin idea what theyre doin
what im sayin is that all these people wearin turbans
have no fuckin clue what it means to be a sikh
these people are fuckin all about the money and everything
to me it just didnt seem like that great of a situation
some guy whose just fuckin there to make as much money as he can
a bunch of kids who're spending their parents money
and a club packed to the brim
so much that you couldnt even walk
a girl walked up to me when i was standing back
maybe she thought she would have a conversation with me
but wheni took a video of the scene she fled away
i dunno fi she didnt like people who take videos
or if she thought i was workin there
but either way she didnt last very long
i didnt say much to her myself

so i hit the town and saw some cool stuff

so i hit the town and saw some cool stuff
the bands that played were good
i was really quite surprised
cause id not seen anything good yet
i went into a coffee shop and i was really surprised
the mood was very different
the band that played was quite soft
and you could feel the love in the air
i stood in line to grab a juice
but it took quite a long time
i told the old woman good luck in gettin yours
she just gave me a dry look and turned her face
business as usual for all these people it seems
yeah im not really a big fan of alot of these people
seem to like ot keep to themselves
seem a bit snooty to me
they say the british are uppity but i think these guys are much worse
fucking keeping everything to themselves
everythings hush hush
very club soceity
not really my type
but i decided i was going to involve myself in what was going on
i walked into an indian party
felt kinda outa place
dont know why but its different
these kids they call themself indian
but they werent born there
some were
but they dont really feel american
it seems a bit rediculous to me
these people fuckin dancin together
sikh kids drinkin at the bar
while wearing a turban
kinda rediculous if you ask me

i was thinkin what it'd be like to have a cat

i was thinkin what it'd be like to have a cat
or maybe perhaps a dog
it'd live in my apartment with me over here
it might be a bit of a job
i think id like the company
but would i mind the hair?
i think this place is dirty enough
dont need any more dirt there
but a dog is a fun thing to have
its not a thing really but a creature
it'd bring some life to this still place
it'd be quite a cool new feature
i think i'd prefer a big dog to a cat
cause cats are quite territorial
and dogs are always very friendly
and i dont think they need a tutorial
i grew up around dogs when i was india
when we went on that month long trip
and the owners seemed to love their loving pets
love could make the heart skip!
if you hadn't noticed im trying to rhyme
it's a nice little game to play
when you're trying to think out all your thoughts
you wanna make sure you rhyme, if i may
and a dog would be a nice thing
something you could take on walks
but the shame about a dog or a cat
is that they never really seem to talk
a big dog is a cool thing
full of heart and life
could go running in fields and play with frisbees
and jogging to Fife
you can scratch its head and pat its belly
and when its good you can give it some food
and it'd smile a big smile with its toothy grin
a very clear indiciation of its mood
you could run and get in shape with a dog by your side
i dunno what i'd call a dog or a cat
i wouldnt want one of those weird names
maybe robbie or bobby or something like that
or perhaps even saint james!
the thing i wouldnt like about a dog or a cat
is that one day they'd wither away
and you'd have to lay their body to rest
that would be a dreadful day
but i suppose these things just come to pass
like the leaves on trees in fall
and though its a depressing time of year
its not that bad all in all
and so maybe id get another dog or a cat
maybe one with a similar name
maybe it'll an abnormal dog or a cat
one that makes worldwide fame!

youve gotta love the bbc

youve gotta love the bbc
when youre away from home its a good reminder
theyve got this thing now called bbc america
its alright
they dont show everything
but at least its a bit
get some top gear and some monty python
some other stuff as well
pretty good really
been away from england since i was ten
thats a long time to be away from home
thats the way i feel about it
england was my home
and i was taken without bein asked
i was told no, thats it
youre comin with us to america
and as it turned out i hated america
i mean i dont hate america
but its no fuckin england
its not my home
i think for alot of people there's only one home in their life
one true home
and for me its england
ive visited a couple times
met some of the old friends
seen some of the old places
but it always leaves me wanting more
every time i go i try to see something new
maybe next time ill see the wall
as i get older the studies kinda become an issue
dont even know what i want to major in
its just not something ive really spent much time with
i guess im not in the right frame of mind for it
i mean youve gotta really kinda be willin
ive lived as a musician for a long time
and a vagabond for awhile as well
hard to become a student again
been five years since i left high school
been alot of places done alot of things
attempted at least three years of college
written alot of music
still unsure of what i wanna do
you could definately say im unsure
i have no fuckin idea what i wanna do
i have some fuckin ideas
but im not sure i can actually fulfill them
ive gotta learn how to interface with this world
cause its fuckin different
its not like i remember
we used to roam around and party all the time
when we werent we were writin music
and we wrote some good stuff too
but livin the rock star life doesnt always work
friend passed away and i moved in with the folks
i guess we'll see where this all goes
cause im not really fuckin sure

its a rainy day

its a rainy day
alot of things happen on a rainy day
good things
i remember rain in england
on the fields
while we played soccer
it rained on the fields in dayton
soccer games on mud fields are epic
nothing like em
throwni yourself down on the field
to try and help the team win the game
dunno if we won very much
but it was definately fun
us against teh world
raise your fist to the sky
scream loud
then charge towards the enemy
try and score a goal
run back on defense
clear it out fast as you can
in england we used to play soccer all the time
we used to go every friday to the fields
the school probably owned it and we took a bus everytime
theyd setup cones on the fields
and we'd do scrimmages
they were pretty fun
we'd have the shin guards
socks and cleats
shorts and shirt
and we'd go after the ball
grass was always green
and there's nothing like playing soccer in a field of grass
we eventually set up a goal
full sized one
never used it though
once a friend of mine did a full flip
after he got tackled
yeah there were the war stories from when we were younger
then the fizzle of the older years
at that point ohio was fucking beating me down
and not even soccer could've saved me
i didnt practice enough
i never fucking ate well
never did any runs
missed alot of practice
but the love was still there
all through the years
that remained intact
and even though i didnt try outwardly as much as i used to
on the inside i was still a warrior

walkin round on the fuckin streets of columbus

walkin round on the fuckin streets of columbus
i can remember how we used to do it
was quite a long time ago
back then it was an adventure
now its a chore
all the old places are gone
and all the people have seperated
the citys still here
but the vibes changed
and the musics changed
and there's definately a void
people here seem desperate
they need an artist like me
someone who can play some more positive stuff
that isnt so emo
that would be really great
i do catch some jazz bands around town
and i have seen some interesting stuff
made a couple friends
recorded some music
played on some stages
i remember in the streets
where we'd walk in the rain
excited to get on stage
there was an energy in the air
and it was contagious
we were gonna take on the world
i still have that in my heart
we had energy then
you could call us young
but im still that age
but my friend is gone
and its hard to be enthusiastic
its still in there
but so is alot of pain
and i just dont know how to get it out
and they mask each other
but i remember... walkin along on the streets
eatin at the vendors
and plottin our way to success
infusin me with some sort of spirit
a drive and a dream
these kindsof things stick with you
and even two three years after i still have that drive for it
underneath the lethargy my mind is young and energetic
and i definately yearn to leap around
but we'll see i guess
am i capable of it
i definately think i am
but i definately have to get over some of this stuff
only then will we be able to take the stage